


you had me at the pancakes (had me all along)

by crispierchip



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Competition, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2017-11-29
Packaged: 2019-02-08 10:59:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12863079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crispierchip/pseuds/crispierchip
Summary: “So, Tyson has gotten himself in an awkward situation, guys,” Nate says, once he’s got everyone’s attention.In which the Colorado Avalanche come together to find Tyson a (pretend) date.





	you had me at the pancakes (had me all along)

**Author's Note:**

> written for [this](https://thesinbin.dreamwidth.org/3790.html?thread=5009614) sinbin prompt :D
> 
> many thanks to laura for telling me this was funny when i needed to hear it, and also to everyone who encouraged this on twitter <3

Gabe’s not going to lie, bullying Tyson is probably the highlight of his day. Tyson is so easy to rile up, and his retorts are muttered curses half the time, and Gabe loves seeing him get red in the face. He thinks it’s adorable.

Mostly, though, it’s only so fun because Tyson is intent on giving it back to Gabe, so when Gabe throws him an insult and Tyson doesn’t even bother snorting at it, Gabe’s pretty worried.

Tyson just walks past him and goes to sink down on his stall, breathing out heavily as he goes, and Gabe can’t not take a shot at that. “What’s up, had too many pancakes this morning?” he asks, and Tyson at least deigns that with a response.

“Har, har, you’re so funny, we get it,” he mutters. He bends over and starts taking off his shoes, and Gabe can’t help but think that there’s something there.

+

Gabe’s first thought is that Tyson is mad at him. He thinks, maybe he made one joke too many, and Tyson’s holding it over him or something. It wouldn't be the first time.

If that’s the case, Gabe has no problem, he can apologize, and then he and Tyson can go back to taking lousy shots at each other. However, Tyson’s not really talking to anyone during practice, and even Nate’s attempts to cheer him up seem to fall on deaf ears.

Gabe starts to think this is bigger than him. He thinks he should investigate, because he’s the captain and also a fool for Tyson, but he can’t seem to be able to get Tyson alone. He tries after practice, but Nate is glued to Tyson’s side, and even after they make it back to the locker room, Tyson and Nate remain huddled together.

Gabe just thinks it’s a good thing he got over his irrational jealousy of Nate a long time along. Still, he watches the two of them, and sure enough a few minutes later Nate gets up, clears his throat loud enough to carry over the noise of the locker room.

“So, Tyson has gotten himself in an awkward situation, guys,” he says, once he’s got everyone’s attention.

Gabe’s ears perk up, and he stops from where he’s peeling off tape from his socks.

“He, uhm, he sort of told his mom he was seeing someone, and now he can’t get out of it,” Nate goes on.

A few guys snicker, very obviously unsympathetic. Tyson makes a grunting noise.

“Anyway,” Nate says, with all the authority he can muster. “He needs a date,” he goes on. “So. Get to it.”

“What kind of date?” EJ asks. He glances at Gabe, and Gabe can hear the wheels in his head spinning.

“A quick one,” Tyson mutters. His face is red, and Gabe isn’t sure if it’s from the practice or this entire situation. He kind of loves seeing it anyway.

“Right.” Nate nods. “The date is tomorrow night, so we need a quick date,” he says.

“How do you expect us to find a date in a day?” Comes says. “This is Tyson we’re talking about.”

The guys laugh, and Gabe cuts in. “Hey, now, no insults,” he says, because he likes to have the exclusiveness in that one. “This is a trying time, we need to come together.”

There’s a general grunting sound for the guys, and then Nail speaks up, “I have an idea,” he says, slow.

Gabe sits up straighter.

“What if it’s one of us?” Nail goes on, and Gabe’s heart is beating very loudly, his fingers are itching. He doesn’t want to seem too eager, though.

Thankfully, EJ’s got him covered, because as much as he grumbles whenever Gabe brings up Tyson, he’s ultimately in Gabe’s corner. He says, “That’s actually not a bad idea,” and, “We should hold auditions,” which Gabe was not expecting but can roll with nonetheless.

“And judges,” Kerfy pipes in. “Nate obviously shouldn't participate,” he says. “He has an unfair advantage.”

Nate nods like he gets that. Tyson meanwhile looks torn between embarrassment and thankfulness, though mostly embrasement. Gabe thinks it’s an extra good look on him.

“Right,” Gabe says, and tries not to sound too excited. “The winner gets to go with Tyson to the family dinner.”

“We have the captain's seal of approval,” EJ says. “This is as good as it’s going to get boys, get to it.”

They arrange for the auditions to get held tomorrow before practice, and Gabe doesn’t want to sound too cocky, but he thinks he’s got this one in the bag.

+

Gabe has a couple of ideas, is the thing, one of which requires Nick-from-video-review’s help.

“You want a powerpoint,” Nick says, once Gabe shares his master plan with him.

“Yes,” Gabe says. “I already have all the pics and the text, I just need to put them into a presentation,” he explains.

Nick’s still looking at him like he has no idea how Gabe even made it this far in his career. “Okay,” he says, very slowly. Then, “I can do that.”

He doesn’t sound particularly enthusiastic, but Gabe sits down on the chair next to him and starts going through his notes. He can see, by the end of it, that Nick also thinks Gabe is going to win.

+

Once the presentation is over and done with, Gabe goes about securing support from the judges. He calls Nate first, even though he’s half scared Nate will end up revealing Gabe’s master plan to Tyson.

Still, this is about the bigger picture - that being, Gabe and Tyson together, Gabe proving he’s top notch boyfriend material, which shouldn't be too hard. He is after all Gabe the Babe, the Swedish Chef himself.

“I need your help,” he says to Nate, and it kind of kills him to get those words out.

Nate hums and he sounds like he knows it. “I’m listening.”

“I need you to be… lenient, tomorrow,” Gabe says.

“Aha,” Nate says. “I see.” He pauses. “What do I get in return?”

“We’re lineys,” Gabe argues. “Where’s the liney solidarity?” he asks.

Nate huffs. Gabe imagines him rolling his eyes. “It died when you and Tyson made me the third wheel on all your dates,” he says.

“ _What?_ ” Gabe asks, because he and Tyson certainly do not go on dates, and definitely not with Nate. If they did, Gabe wouldn't even need to be having this discussion. “We do not go on dates,” he splutters.

“You do too,” Nate says. “Which is fine, but then you drag me along and I have to suffer through your weird, antagonistic flirting. It’s the _worst_.”

Gabe tries to raise an argument to that, has about five of them ready to go, but Nate just talks over him. “I don’t care, just stop doing it,” he says. “That’s all I want.”

The sad thing is, Gabe isn’t sure he can do that. In the grand scheme of things though, you lose some, you win some. “Fine,” he hisses, and hangs up the phone.

Next up is EJ, the other member of the judges committee. Honestly, Gabe chose to call him second because he thought EJ would be more understanding, but he too asks Gabe what he’ll be getting in return.

“You - we’re best friends,” Gabe splutters.

“I still need something in return, buddy,” EJ says, all too reasonable.

“Ugh,” Gabe grunts. “Fine,” he says, “What?”

EJ pretends to think about it for a moment and then he says, “You need to come with me to the racetrack.”

“The racetrack,” Gabe repeats. “What racetrack?”

“The horse racetrack,” EJ explains. “I always have to go alone and it gets kind of lonely, you know.”

“Oh, Jesus,” Gabe says. “I'll come and I’ll wear a goddamn fedora if you want me to, just make sure to give me a high score.”

EJ - he cackles, and then he tells Gabe he’ll remember that. He says, “I think a blue one will look good with your eyes.”

Gebd doesn't know why they’re friends, sometimes.

+

Gabe wakes up nervous the next morning. He’s been crushing after Tyson for so long, he has to nail this. This is literally his chance to shine, he cannot let it go to waste.

So Gabe arms himself with the USB stick that contains the powerpoint presentation, and also the laser pointer that he borrowed from Nick, and goes about stealing Tyson heart but, like, with reasonable, powerpointed arguments. Powerpointed arguments and also a gift, which he has to drive by Dairy Queen to get.

There’s quite a line there, so Gabe isn’t nearly the first guy to get to the rink, but thankfully he isn’t late. Nail is already there, reading something from a piece of paper and muttering it back to himself, which only makes the tightness in Gabe’s stomach grow. He thought he’d be the only one to take this seriously, but apparently not.

Nate and Tyson get there shortly after, and Nate meets Gabe’s eyes to wink at him. Gabe looks away quickly because he doesn’t want the others to catch on to them and ruin his master plan. EJ gets there last, equipped with two small whiteboards.

“For Nate and me,” he explains.

The guys start squabbling over who will get to go first, so Gabe cuts in and suggests they do it according to age, with him graciously going last. He claims it’s because he's the captain, but honestly he wants to have the big finale.

Sam is set to go first, and Gabe leans against his stall and starts examining the competition. Sam looks a little flushed, maybe embarrassed or nervous, and under different circumstances Gabe would bump their shoulders together, but right now it’s all about who’s got the competitive advantage.

“Uhm,” Sam says, “I don’t really know how to start.” He rubs the back of his neck and looks up at Tyson through his lashes, and Gabe wants to curse.

“I really like you, I think I’d make a good pretend boyfriend,” Sam goes on, smiling a little.  

Gabe doesn’t want to feel threatened, except Sam sounds incredibly sweet, and Gabe knows for a fact Nate will fall for that.

“I think we’d look good together,” Sam says shyly, and Gabe can see Tyson smiling at this, all sweet. He wants to be jealous except he’s also sort of gone on Sam’s speech.

“That’s all I had to say,” Sam finishes, and Nate starts clapping.

Fuck, Gabe seriously miscalculated his competition.

“I’ll give you a six,” EJ says, which sort of salvages Gabe’s confidence. “Because I was moved.”

Sam smiles, and it grows even brighter when Nate gives him an eight. “That was so sweet, man,” he says, and Gabe wants to bury his face in his arms. This is getting out of hand, he thinks, and they haven't even started properly yet.

Next up Josty, who comes equipped with his own ship name. “Tyson squared,” he says, “It’s very catchy.”

Gabe can see Tyson frown at that, and he does a mental fistbump.

Josty gets two sixes from Nate and EJ, and Gabe is surprised to realize he feels a little bad when he sees the slump of Josty’s shoulders. Alas, Josty made his own bed here; “Tyson squared” is pretty bad.

Mikko goes third, and he claims Tyson’s parents will be impressed by both his clothing choices and his charm. “I’m very good at hockey, too,” he adds, “And I can pose,” which Gabe is willing to give him - begrudgingly of course.

“I’m practically a model in that way,” he says, and gets a six and a seven for his efforts.

Kerfy goes fourth, and says that if Tyson chooses him, the four of them won’t even need for a restaurant. “I’ll cook,” he valiantly offers, and, “I’m a great cook, ask Biggie. He can vouch for me.”

Kerfy gets two sevens and says, “I’ll make dessert too.” He waggles his eyebrows for good measure too, and then the seven from Nate turns into an eight when Tyson nudges him.

Still, Kerfy can’t make a DQ blizzard, so Gabe’s feeling pretty confident.

Next up in Nail, and he makes a really elaborate metaphor on how meeting Tyson’s parents is like playing for the Oilers. Gabe doesn’t really follow along, but then Nail summarizes, “All in all, I have gone through my fair share of adversity. Dinner with your parents as your pretend boyfriend will be a piece of cake.”

He winks at Tyson once he’s done, and Tyson flushes. EJ claps. Gabe hates everything.

After Nail, it is Patrik’s turn, who claims he should be the default winner as he is the most mature of the bunch.

“Hey,” Gabe squawks, taking personal offense in that.

“My point exactly,” Patrik says, which is rude. They are countrymen.

“Lazy approach,” Nate pronounces, and gives him a four. EJ marks down a six because, “he does sort of have a point there.”

It’s Gabe’s turn after Patrik, and he makes his way to the projector at the end of the room. He puts in the flash drive and selects the powerpoint he and Nick made yesterday. Gabe knows the presentation starts because there’s a bunch of murmurs from the rest of the room, loud enough that EJ has to quiet them.

“Let the man make his case,” he says.

Gabe is pretty nervous, but he’s not here to play games. He’s here to win over Tyson’s heart once and for all, and so he clears his throat, starts reading out loud from the slides.

“Why Tyson should pick me as his date, by Gabriel Landeskog,” he says, and there’s an audible, “Oh my god,” from EJ. Gabe shushes him and keeps going. “First of all, I would just like to say that our close friendship will make our dating extremely believable,” he reads, and turns to meet Tyson’s eyes.

Tyson is red in the face and his eyes are wide, clearly surprised, and Gabe grins. “More than that,” he continues onto his second point, “Our playing on the same team is a good reason to have kept this hidden, and as such will not draw attention to your inability to keep your mother updated on your dating life.”

Tyson stammers a little at that, but his jaw drops efficiently at Gabe’s third and final introductory argument. “I am known to be an extremely good boyfriend,” Gabe says with a smile, his most charming one, and Tyson’s face is so red.

Gabe takes a breath, clicks on the next slide. “Now, on my profile. You should all know I was the second - that’s right, _second_ \- overall pick in 2011,” he says, catching Nate’s eyeroll. “What you may not know is that I am the second youngest captain in NHL history.”

“Oh my god,” EJ mutters again.

“Be quiet, please,” Gabe says calmly. “I am also a consistent 20 goal scorer - clearly good hockey geens there,” he goes on. Tyson is still staring at him, and Gabe can’t tell if Tyson is impressed or what, so he keeps going, vowing to get him there.

“Lastly, I am a proven international sensation,” he points out, “But more on that later.”

Gabe clicks on the next slide, starts, “Moving on to our on ice success, it is known that despite playing different positions, we gel very well together.” He takes a breath to looks around the room, making sure he’s still got everyone’s attention.

“Also, we look very good together, as evidenced in this picture,” he says, using his laser pointer to point to the picture he’s attached to the presentation. Once he’s made sure everyone’s gotten a good look at that, Gabe brings up his next point. “Now, I have taken some mathematical liberties with this, but it is clear from this that out jersey numbers are meant to be,” he says, turning the laser pointed onto the _92 + 4 = 96 > 9 + 6 = 15 > 5 - 1 = 4 _part.

The guys in the room groan, but Tyson is smiling, this tiny thing that curves around the corners of his lips, so Gabe will be damned if he stops now.

He moves to the next slide. “Of course, there are off-ice reasons to pick me,” he says. “It is known that I can make a mean pancake, which is obviously top notch boyfriend material,” Gabe explains.

“I also have two WC gold medals, plus an olympic silver, which you can use as a bragging point with your parents,” Gabe goes on. “Moreover, I would absolutely share my Ben&Jerry’s salted caramel ice-cream with you, which speaks volumes of my commitment to you and this cause.”

He looks to Tyson again, finds him smiling for real now, his face a shade of red that Gabe finds too charming. Gabe splutters a little around his next point but Tyson gives him an encouraging nod, and Gabe can’t falter then.

He says, “I am very emotionally available, something that is clear from our Valentine’s Day’s cards.” Gabe checks in, and Tyson flushes even deeper, probably at the memory.

“Lastly,” he moves on to his killer point, “I would both cuddle you and take you on long walks on the beach as your boyfriend,” he says, and gets to both see and hear Tyson’s gasp, the way he almost chokes on his breath.

Gabe grins, and moves on to the pie chart he made with Nick’s help. “Here you can see the means I will use to impress your parents,” he explains.

“Obviously, my biggest advantage is my charm, followed closely by my hockey skills. I will be using my looks to about 20%, as you can see on the pie chart,” Gabe says. “And lastly I will use my humor, to which I only gave 10% since it’s mostly me making fun of you.”

Tyson outright laughs at that, and Gabe’s heart does a flip thing in his chest, pressing against his ribs and his throat with happiness. He clears his throat and moves on to his conclusion, because he is a love struck fool, but he’s a love struck fool with a plan.

“In conclusion, we look very good together,” Gabe says, “And  I am the captain so you have to do as I say.”

A few of the guys splutter around that, but Gabe is relentless. “Now, what color suit should I buy for the dinner?” he asks, grinning too wide.

The guys are quiet for a moment, and then Nate says, “Wow,” and, “You took this really seriously.”

Gabe will take that as a compliment. He says as much.

“I didn’t know we were allowed to make powerpoints,” Kerfy mutters, clearly put off that Gabe has come out on top.

“Well,” Gabe says, smug, “At least I can eat pesto.”

Kerfy splutters, this vicious red overtaking his face. “It’s not like I don’t eat it by choice,” he says.

Gabe waves that off and moves on to his other superiority points. “Also,” he says, “While we’re at it, _Tyson squared_ ?” He turns to Josty. “That’s a terrible ship name. And Mikko is way, _way_ too tall for you, that will just look bad,” Gabe goes on, picking up steam. “And Sam is too young for you, your mom’s going to think you’re his sugar daddy or something.”

“And clearly I am the superior Swede,” Gabe says, on Patrik. He has nothing on Nail, because his metaphor did really make sense, but he doesn’t think he needs it. Nate’s already writing down a ten on his whiteboard, and so is EJ, but Gabe can’t even focus on that, because Tyson is looking at him, just him, and he’s smiling so widely, his face red and bright.

Gabe smiles back, and forgets all about the blizzard sitting in his locker, waiting to be handed over to Tyson.

+

“I would have chosen you even without the presentation, you know,” Tyson tells him later, once the room has cleared out and it’s just the two of them.

Gabe feels his his face heat, inexplicably, his ears burning with it. He looks away. “That’s - good to know,” he says, and it’s not often that he loses his words.

“But, for the record, you had me at the pancakes,” Tyson goes on. His voice is low and not flustered at all, and Gabe wants to giggle he’s so happy.

+

Even later, Gabe finds out that Tyson did his own bribing to get Gabe the highest score.  “I had to make sure you were going to win,” he explains, and his face is a little red now, hands shoved in his pockets. 

“Tyson,” Gabe says, waits until Tyson is looking at him again to continue. “There was no way I was losing,” he says honestly. 

Tyson smiles, a small thing, and Gabe confesses, “I promised to wear a fedora for you.”

Tyson looks at him like he doesn’t really get it, and then he gives up and laughs. He’s still laughing when Gabe leans in to kiss him.

 

**Author's Note:**

> if you were wondering, i really did make a pp [presentation](https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1kgPo2WsdyobtPccRVrgVZwInJwn4INJ5IqlFLULe_9w/edit?usp=sharing) for this bc i am nothing if not committed lmao
> 
> i'm on twitter @hearteyesmofo where i mostly tweet the national bot lyrics and say they are about gabe/tyson.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[podfic] You had me at the pancakes (had me all along)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17198903) by [Annapods](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annapods/pseuds/Annapods)




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